Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 127 of 6384
Whelp, it looks like another day we're not going to cure the coronavirus with our Facebook posts.
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03-13-2020 20:34
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I started homeschooling today. So far two students are suspended and the teacher was fired for drinking on the job...
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03-18-2020 09:32 by Gabe
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You know, if you keep a pie in each hand, you can’t accidentally touch your face.
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03-27-2020 09:47
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I’ve noticed many people are much more attractive wearing a mask.
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05-15-2020 09:46
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Well… This is one way to get Mexico to build that wall
Cheesecake Factory to start reopening restaurants but they will only have a limited 413-page menu.
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06-05-2020 08:30
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Are all the non essential oils out of work now?.
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06-09-2020 08:21
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I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
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10-18-2017 10:54
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I went to the doctor because I couldn’t stop listening to Tom Jones. He told me it’s not unusual
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01-07-2018 14:37 by MWC
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Why do we offer "a word to the wise" when it's the stupid ones that need the advice?
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02-01-2018 09:06
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House cleaning would go a lot faster if the spray bottles made laser gun sounds
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03-03-2018 09:16
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My executive meeting with the cats in the board room was going so well, until I brought out the laser pointer to highlight my slide presentation
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03-04-2018 09:52
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Instead of turkey, I'm Having Grey Goose For Thanksgiving Dinner.
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11-15-2021 10:53
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Menage a trois- French for disappointing two girls at the same time.
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04-04-2017 07:48
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I like people. I just don't want them talking to me. Or breathing near me. Or making me look up from my phone.
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04-15-2017 02:13
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Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
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05-07-2017 08:42 by Gump
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Every now and then when I'm in a room alone I say out loud, "I know you're listening". If I'm wrong, nobody knows. If I'm right, I just freaked the hell out of some guy.
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06-02-2017 08:35
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I will admit, my statuses sound a bit different when read aloud by the prosecuting attorney.
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join an XXX Facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really really big shirts.
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07-19-2017 07:13
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My train of thought is usually all loco and no motive.
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07-21-2017 07:50
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