Haha Funny Status Messages

   I'm so old that the only room I can go into and remember why is the bathroom.

   I said Alexa, what do women want? The damn thing has not shut up for the past three days.

   " I hate it when people radiotype us blondes as dumb."

   My sandal invention for people with one leg turn out to be a flop.

   Japan has built humanoid robots to do construction work. The robots are so human like that they have three reports of sexual harassment.

   Maybe people would be more concerned about saving the planet if chocolate and coffee were on the endangered list.

   Uranus, a town in Missouri has a news paper call The Uranus Examiner

   . A Hypochondriac is a person who can't leave well enough alone.

   Just got my E-Harmony results. They match me with a computer, a chair, and a bottle of lotion.

   Kids, here's how to get double candy on Halloween. Put on your costume. Then cover it with a sheet. Go to door the first time as ghost. Take sheet off go back again with other costume. Bam double candy. Happy Halloween.

   If someone works with a bunch of a$$holes all day. Can they add proctologist to their resume?

   The I before E except after C rule has been disproven by science.

   My girlfriend cured me of my constipation by telling me she thought she was pregnant.

   Whenever I played the piano when I was a kid, my dog would howl. Eventually getting fed up with the dog's howling. My dad said for goodness sakes, can you play something the dog does't know.

   I don't understand the saying "you snooze you lose"... I hit the snooze button 8 times this morning and feel like a champion

   The police department should replace their sirens with the national athem.

   The diference between inlaws and outlaws...... Outlaws are wanted.

   Place an order with an energy saving catalogue co. for an economy efficient hair dryer. What I received was a bath towel.

   anything is possible with boobs

   Woman aks pharmacy clerk if they sold extra large comdoms. Clerk said yes, would like a pack? No she replied. But I'd like to wait here untill someone does.