Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 103 of 6384
mistletoe is the gateway drug to pregnancy
←Rate |
12-05-2019 13:54
Comments (0)
I think I might have spent a quarter of my life just staring into the refrigerator.
←Rate |
11-30-2019 01:31 by Moon
Comments (0)
The Push Up ice cream company should just buy out Pringles and make all of our lives easier.
←Rate |
11-26-2019 12:44
Comments (0)
I have a phone interview today and someone told me to “just be myself” so I’m not going to answer the call
←Rate |
12-30-2019 12:18
Comments (0)
I can’t wait for next week when the gym is empty again.
←Rate |
01-07-2020 13:49
Comments (0)
Pancakes: Because NO, you cannot have cake for breakfast, but you can have fried cake for breakfast.
←Rate |
01-07-2020 13:50
Comments (0)
Three things I’m thankful for this time of year: Family, Friends and Caller ID to avoid the first two things.
←Rate |
01-09-2020 08:17
Comments (0)
"The Bachelor" should be renamed with a more accurate title: "Desperate, Dysfunctional Closet Cases Fighting Over A Player."
←Rate |
01-13-2020 19:46 by BobBogin
Comments (0)
The paleo diet is to eat only foods cavemen would have eaten. So, fruity pebbles, cocoa pebbles, the oatmeal with little dinosaur eggs, etc.
←Rate |
01-14-2020 11:37
Comments (0)
Am I the only one that thinks it's very narcissistic that the Academy Award Members gave the Best Movie Award to a movie named after them...???
←Rate |
02-10-2020 03:33 by ZENPagan
Comments (0)
I tried on and bought two pairs of jeans today without testing my phone in the back pocket. I don’t even know who I am anymore.
←Rate |
02-18-2020 06:23
Comments (0)
today. for the first time in a long time. I checked on the skittle under the fridge. i’m happy to report it’s still there. minding its business. doing the best it can. we should all strive for such an existence
←Rate |
02-18-2020 15:05
Comments (1)
Just saved a guy from drowning by throwing him a CVS receipt as a lifeline. He also gets 25% off his next rescue.
←Rate |
02-19-2020 07:03
Comments (0)
I sure talk a lot of crap for someone who can't spell "Wednesday" without having to say "Wed-nes-day" in my head.
←Rate |
03-03-2020 14:01
Comments (1)
I'm so old this is like the 10th time they said the world was going to end, and somehow I've always survived.
←Rate |
03-18-2020 00:17
Comments (0)
I always confuse reptiles and amphibians. OK to be honest, neither one knows what I’m talking about.
←Rate |
03-19-2020 20:34 by Rickster
Comments (0)
“You can eat 50% of a mermaid before you’re considered a cannibal.” My kid, using homeschool math during social distancing
←Rate |
03-26-2020 10:56
Comments (0)
Saw a guy on the highway in the car next to me sneeze so I ran him off the road and into the barrier. We’re in this together, folks
←Rate |
03-26-2020 17:50
Comments (0)
Sadly, the Coronavirus has better coverage than T-Mobile.
←Rate |
04-01-2020 08:36
Comments (0)
Hormel Foods made their first batch of spam in 1937 With all the food hoarding going on they are about to make their 2nd batch
←Rate |
04-01-2020 09:19
Comments (0)