Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Just had a train run over his feet, probably his own fault for wearing platforms. 
So I was just thinking, if fans of the Grateful dead are called deadheads, hulk hogan's fans are hulkamaniacs, those that mean Harry Potter fans are Potheads?
Life is like an iPhone, it's only as fun as the apps you have downloaded!!!!
wondering how Chad Ochocinco is celebrating his Cinco de May?
After undergoing a sex change operation, a judge in Santa Monica granted Chaz Bono's petition to be recognized legally as a man. He celebrated by leaving the toilet seat up.
whoever said "never regret" obviously never had taco bell
the Real reason Hamid Karzai got handed his second term. That's right... I did it. :P
Chocolate is the answer to EVERYTHING!
if it weren't for Angels & Demons I never would of known that priests make excellent helicopter pilots and they even know how to skydive, go figure.
just had a green beer to celebrate St. Patricks Day... just wish someone had told me that it had been sitting out since new years!!!
Get Your FaceBook Outta MySpace.
Mel Gibson beat me up and called me a cracker! Uhg!
Didn't lock my car last night and there was a homeless guy asleep in it this morning.
downloading all the audio from the Mel Gibson tapes and making ring tones out of them
, Did you hear about the optometrist who had an accident at work? He slipped and fell into his lens-grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.
Just go ahead and sneeze cause my presence just blessed you
Walmart where everyone can Enter through the EXIT door and exiting through an ENTER door!!
...Bob Barker says he made “Price Is Right” exciting & Drew Carey doesn't. After telling this to TMZ, he quietly soiled his diapers.
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was surprised to receive a compliment about his VW Jetta today - especially at a Mazda/GM car dealership. The salesman said: "Well German engineering, you can't go wrong. I just can't believe they killed so many Jews. You have a Merry Christmas." 