Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5694 of 6465

I haven't slept for 4 days... because that would be too long.
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06-03-2015 08:57
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Love means never having to say you're happy.
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06-23-2015 18:39
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When did Facebook become Rod, Jane and Freddy?
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06-27-2015 14:21
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I don't chase after girls, unless I have my inhaler with me.
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07-19-2015 10:19 by Baddie
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Thank you for pointing out that today is the first day of the rest of my life. I thought it was yesterday.
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11-09-2015 09:58
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In the future we will type with our toes to keep our hands free for punching robots.
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12-23-2015 08:52 by snotty
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Up until 2 days ago, thanks to my news feed, I didn't even know Dean Cain was even still alive.
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01-21-2015 10:04 by DeeX
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If you wagered on the Pro Bowl....please seek immediate help for your problem..
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01-25-2015 19:18 by scottyp
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Kristen Stewart is like if Internet Explorer was a person.

just discovered my other mail folder, I didnt realise I was so popular with the ladies telling me how amazing and fantastic I am.
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02-08-2015 23:37
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I don't want to say the Oscars ran long but the kid from "Boyhood" just moved into a senior living facility...
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02-24-2015 14:38 by Mark M
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Only in SC, would they close schools, universities, libraries, and declare a 'state of emergency' for snow that other states would consider to be a 'snow dusting'. I'm sure Boston would love type of snow that SC has that melts before noon.
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02-26-2015 15:57
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Looking for a job
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05-14-2015 11:12
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My wife just decided she will no longer be putting anything unhealthy into her body. Time for me to turn the clothes hanger back into a treadmill.
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05-15-2015 09:52
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If an FB post offends you, maybe check your conscience.
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02-01-2016 01:47
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My son got a Student of the Month award today. It wasn't his, but still...

Why disappoint others, when you can disappoint yourself.
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02-22-2016 12:55 by Czovczov
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I went to Denny's. I ordered poached eggs scrambled sunny side up over easy. The server spontaneously combusted.

Let's play the unicorn game where I rub your magical horn until you shower me with glitter.
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03-11-2016 13:28 by Karen
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Kellogg investigating video of man urinating on factory assembly line....Mmmmm pee-flavored Rice Krispees is a delicious healthy breakfast.
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03-15-2016 01:20
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