Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I haven't slept for 4 days... because that would be too long.
←Rate | 06-03-2015 08:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Love means never having to say you're happy.
←Rate | 06-23-2015 18:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When did Facebook become Rod, Jane and Freddy?
←Rate | 06-27-2015 14:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't chase after girls, unless I have my inhaler with me.
←Rate | 07-19-2015 10:19 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thank you for pointing out that today is the first day of the rest of my life. I thought it was yesterday.
←Rate | 11-09-2015 09:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In the future we will type with our toes to keep our hands free for punching robots.
←Rate | 12-23-2015 08:52 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Up until 2 days ago, thanks to my news feed, I didn't even know Dean Cain was even still alive.
←Rate | 01-21-2015 10:04 by DeeX Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you wagered on the Pro Bowl....please seek immediate help for your problem..
←Rate | 01-25-2015 19:18 by scottyp Comments (1)  


   messageicon Kristen Stewart is like if Internet Explorer was a person.
←Rate | 02-02-2015 00:46 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon just discovered my other mail folder, I didnt realise I was so popular with the ladies telling me how amazing and fantastic I am.
←Rate | 02-08-2015 23:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't want to say the Oscars ran long but the kid from "Boyhood" just moved into a senior living facility...
←Rate | 02-24-2015 14:38 by Mark M Comments (0)  


   messageicon Only in SC, would they close schools, universities, libraries, and declare a 'state of emergency' for snow that other states would consider to be a 'snow dusting'. I'm sure Boston would love type of snow that SC has that melts before noon.
←Rate | 02-26-2015 15:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Looking for a job
←Rate | 05-14-2015 11:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife just decided she will no longer be putting anything unhealthy into her body. Time for me to turn the clothes hanger back into a treadmill.
←Rate | 05-15-2015 09:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If an FB post offends you, maybe check your conscience.
←Rate | 02-01-2016 01:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My son got a Student of the Month award today. It wasn't his, but still...
←Rate | 02-02-2016 10:57 by aznsensation Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why disappoint others, when you can disappoint yourself.
←Rate | 02-22-2016 12:55 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to Denny's. I ordered poached eggs scrambled sunny side up over easy. The server spontaneously combusted.
←Rate | 02-24-2016 11:21 by Fazzy From Parkway Comments (0)  


   messageicon Let's play the unicorn game where I rub your magical horn until you shower me with glitter.
←Rate | 03-11-2016 13:28 by Karen Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kellogg investigating video of man urinating on factory assembly line....Mmmmm pee-flavored Rice Krispees is a delicious healthy breakfast.
←Rate | 03-15-2016 01:20 Comments (0)  




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