Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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I feel for those straving kids when I see those feed the children commercials...But when they show those kids and the lil fly comes and lands on there heads its a lil over the top..Cuz I dont care how hungry you are you got enough energy to knock a fly aw 
sometimes you just have to like the judge and executioner dead in the face and tell them "no restraining order will keep me away!!!"
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Taco Bell putting Fritos in there Burrito..... then Subway should stack chips in there subs .. am just saying
Just Got Dumped Because Her Boyfirend Said He Couldnt Put Up With Her Filthy Habbits, I nearly choked on my toe nail
A sack of corn nuts and a good Vogue magazine. And I m just fine
supports the whole Movember concept but thinks it should be changed to Manuary
Was just informed that Turkeys cant fly. Thats messed up! All those times hunting and I was looking up!!
Just brought his pet rock to the vet.
Buy condoms or play with yourself ! World Aids Day 2010
Darnit, my kufi doesn't match my dashiki. What on earth will I wear for Kwanzaa??
This weekend, I forgot to set the thermostat ahead on my clock,,,, Mine's still set for winter...
I want my hour of sleep back.
Pandora just suggested that I listen to a preview of Nick Cannon's new album and technology has never made me this angry before.
Do you ever wonder if the lesser known "So-so White Shark" has an inferiority complex?
If you're happy and you know it, leave your wife.
a lot of single women claim they're looking for "Mr. Right" so maybe I should change my last name to "Right"......then all these women will be wanting me
Call me traditional, but marriage should stay between a woman afraid of being alone & a man who finally caves after years of her pressure.
Just found a message in a bottle..... It read,, "I'm taking it all with me b*tches." - Sting
"I just want a man who is honest, and will tell me what he is thinking" - Wishful thinking by women 