Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The movie HOME ALONE would never work now. What kid is going to look up from his smartphone after 10 hours and realize no one is around?

   hey when does special Ed classe begin this fall for you anti-trump bashers?

   Can't wait, after Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday's Trump fiasco, I'm so looking forward to SNL this Saturday. It's going to be an awesome show.

   didnt find her way to the top of the food chain, only to get taken out by a cucumber!!!!

   If I would lose everything in a hurricane, tornado, flood... I know my friends would be there for me... then I would have lost nothing... everything else is just stuff... ~R~

   dreamt he wrote the Lord of the Rings last night...seems I was just Tolkien in my sleep!

   just watching a W.W.E event with two chicks fighting... I think the proper name for that is W.T.F!!!?

   What do we call the science of classifying living things?... Racism

   Scott Walker, I don't know what it is that you're doing to make it appear as if you're really stupid, but whatever it is, it's really working .

   My girlfriend just told me she was going to break up with me if I didn't quit making Linkin Park references. but in the end it doesn't even matter

   Girl: “Why do you keep following me?!” Boy: “Because when I was little, my mom told me to follow my dreams.”

   Facebook buys Instagram for one billion?!? Idiots!! They could have downloaded it from the app store for .99 cents..

   ****PILOT****

   I love Sundays, because my Italian grandmother cooks THE BEST crystal meth.

   If I could turn back time, I'd find a way to undo Cher.

   You can't see your next if you're too busy looking at your Ex.

   I asked my Heart why can't I sleep at night? IT replied: Cos you already slept your arse off at work. . Don't act like you're in Love jackasss. . :|

   When life sucks I sit back and enjoy the head

   ‎‎(ｏ・_・)ノ”(ノ_<。) I hate you -__- ?30secs later (っ˘з(˘.˘ )♥ Bipolar Love

   I'm a lazy ass texter, unless you're cute, or I like you.