Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Looks good on the dance floor, dancing to electro pop like a robot from 1984

   Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.

   turning japanese

   you can type up a whole paragraph that doesn't make any sence whatsoever and people will wonder what's wrong with you.. but if you end it with a smiley face. then it's all good." :)

   I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.

   What kind of name is Eyjafjallajokull why not Martin or George.

   Everytime she logs onto facebook she feels like she's reading people's diaries. Facebook should change its name to Dear Diary!!!

   When in doubt, mumble.

   Beware! I'm armed and have pre-menstrual tension!

   He who dies with the most toys is, nonetheless, still dead.

   Yesterday I put in a bid for a “Cowboy Outfit”.. on ebay and now it seems I'm only six minutes away from owning the South austrailan Government!

   just a fig newton of your imagination

   i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.

   A push up bar and a push up bra are two completely different items that have the same effect when used properly.

   may appear offline

   It's impossible to drop something in your car and it not disappearing between the seats. :))

   If you throw rice at weddings, will asian people throw hotdogs?

   doesn't care that they're bad at parking. The other cars are bad at swerving!

   At a meeting last night Bill gates and Steve Jobs were both in attendance , when Gates started dozing off , Jobs replied "There's a nap for that"

   Who would win: Twenty years of experience combined with specialized professional training vs. Google?