Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   FANFKNTASTIC.... I just ''accidentally'' discovered TWITTER!!.... Turns out its the spot in between a girls TW@T... And her SH*TTER......

   so good, I can cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes.

   Canadians are Eh' Holes

   "so adjective, he verbs nouns"

   the heart of a little boy....on a jar on my desk.

   holding the world for ransom

   congratulations to trayvon martin -exactly a year today staying out of trouble

   killed Kenny... (You ba$tard!)

   I haven't been laid in so long that my %&$$& is singing "Like a virgin touched for the very first time"

   life can taste sour but god can make it sweet

   Woohoo! Just got my new class ring. I hope I don't lose THIS one in a cheerleader!

   saw a bumber sticker that said "Jesus Saves"...he must know where to find the cheapest gas.

   Party ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ at my __̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡

   The three KINGS that bring joy and hapiness to my life: Smo-King, Drin-King & Fuc-King

   Women, you can't live with them, and they can't pee standing up!!!

   This just in: President Obama calls for Iran to return the lost predator drone. Iran replies, "Not until the spy pilot emerges and faces us for his treachery."

   Red Cross called and asked if I could donate to the Huntsville, Alabama floods. I told them that I would, but my garden hose only reaches to the end of my driveway....

   If a tomato is a fruit, then isn't ketchup technically a smoothie?

   Finally! A White House official was fired! A Benghazi official? No... IRS? No... Fast and Furious? Over the AP or James Rosen? HHS? No, no, no, and no. Jofi Joseph, fired for having a fake twitter acct.How dare he!

   And then God presented to Moses two antacid tablets, saying, "Thou shalt not eat the spicy Doritos locos taco."