Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Everyone knows that Santa lives at the North Pole, but does anyone know where the Easter Bunny lives?
←Rate | 04-16-2020 00:02 by Starman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just burnt 330 calories in about 30 minutes. And thats the last time I look at facebook with a pizza in the oven!
←Rate | 04-18-2020 00:10 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just wanna take a vacation and get nastier than a black jelly bean
←Rate | 04-20-2020 18:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Nothing like a game of Twister, that's our motto." - Makers of IcyHot
←Rate | 04-22-2020 18:34 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your getting together with your 10 piece band to make a "Social Distancing Video" I think you've missed the point of social distancing.
←Rate | 04-23-2020 20:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Curiosity, Just put down the gun and let's talk this out. Sincerely, the Cat.
←Rate | 10-18-2017 10:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A dog can only be as proportionally smart as its owner. So, if you're a mouth-breathing knuckle-dragger, there's no hope for you, and even less for your dog.
←Rate | 01-11-2018 21:57 by Mutts-For-Mensa Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was lost and yes I did go looking but I did not find you Cyndi Lauper. Glad I didn’t fall.
←Rate | 01-24-2018 19:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know its sad when your mother is on facebook and guys younger than you are poking her
←Rate | 01-25-2018 03:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just read something that said, "Don't believe everything you read." I'm not sure if I should believe it.
←Rate | 02-10-2018 08:11 by PastaFazool Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake
←Rate | 02-12-2018 07:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing around here makes sense. If something did make sense it wouldn’t make sense because in order to make sense it can’t make sense. Am I making sense?
←Rate | 02-22-2018 11:09 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I am really not surprised that there are not many women race car drivers, Women drive all over town like race car drivers anyway
←Rate | 02-26-2018 04:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My bank has this cool feature, whenever I want, they send me a text message with my Account balance. I do however think that adding "LOL" at the end of the message is really unnecessary
←Rate | 03-22-2018 05:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon f you're not offending anyone here, you're not trying hard enough.
←Rate | 04-21-2018 08:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How much extra is it for the stripper to touch your heart?
←Rate | 04-26-2018 22:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today is national drug take back day. For your convenience, I will be placing a collection basket outside my front door.
←Rate | 04-28-2018 09:14 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon If things are slippery when wet, then why is it so hard to get socks on my wet feet?
←Rate | 04-30-2018 09:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to the zoo today and saw the elephants . . . but I don't want to TALK about it!
←Rate | 05-03-2018 15:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A scarecrow is outstanding in his field.
←Rate | 05-03-2018 16:35 by Jake Comments (0)  




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