Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If I flip this coin, what are my chances of getting head

   There are 3 kinds of people: Those who can count & those who can't.

   I would get your number but I already got it off the bathroom wall.

   REMEMBER KIDS: It's not gay if it's for meth.

   Why doesn't Mitt's wife want to be the first lady? Because she would have to move into a smaller house

   Don't tease fat girls, elephants never forget...

   If white privilege exists, then why did Senator Warren have to pretend to be an Indian?

   just found out that Lindsey Vonn had her gold medal taken away by Obama. The reason is that he is going down hill faster than she did.

   The “thank you wave”👋🏼 after letting someone merge their car in front of yours is the one thing holding this fragile society together.

   Hurricane Isaac . Just like Obama, promises so much, but when it's time to get down and dirty, fails to deliver.

   "Living in the realm of thought, in my own world far away"

   God didn't create man. Man created God. #TRUTH

   if my girl cheat on me she better cheat with 6 strong guys that can carry her casket

   The word 'Microsoft' makes me think of chubby midgets

   back for the first time

   Every day is April Fools if you voted for Trump.

   Breaking news .. Trump declares murder hornets to be a hoax ... fake news!

   lady caca was way better when she was madonna

   Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

   not every flower can say love, but a rose does. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus does. Not every retard can read... but look at you go!/€