Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A Jehovah witness closely follows opportunity,hides behind it and waits for it to knock on your door.

   If we could harness all the stupid f**ks in the world we'd become free of fossil fuels. . .

   I'm not just handsome. I'm Photoshop handsome.

   Steve Martin had his first kid today at the age of 67... and that is how it's done. Happy Valent Times day to him."

   i'm an animal in the bedroom...a sloth

   I don't want to think today. I just want to breathe.

   My top fav 10 dictatorship dreamteam are passing away so fast.....

   Dear Diary: "I’m not sure how much longer I can hide the fact that I’m a robot

   Way to go American Idol judges. Publicly judging Charlie to where he is in tears, and now I'm just waiting for him to go "postal" on A.I. This season is about to heat up.

   TMZ: Lil Wayne alive, six songs deep into new mix tape.

   Yes It's true , the weekend is over

   can see John Cena, when will he realise that a big bulky man like that with bright clothes is quite easy to see, everyone can see you.

   March. In like a lion, out like a...hang on...wind chill of 34 degrees here in Orlando right now?....Okay....in like a lion, out like a Honey badger.

   After sex, I've the same problem as a murderer; what to do with the body.

   After deep thought and years of studying the language... Am I correct in thinking that zoom a zoom zoomin in a boom boom is indeed, penetrating a butthole?

   I'm fully clothed and still look hotter than all these h0es dressed like it's 95 degrees

   I'll go back to FB when they replace that "poke" button with a "spank" button.

   Hey ladies complaining about not getting asked out: Don't be so stuck up. Put your number on the men's room wall like the rest of us.

   Sometimes You have to realize that ......( some people can stay in your HEART without being in your LIFE ) ......

   So, Pope Benedict is resigning. According to Nostradamus....errr the Bible, we only got one Pope left. Lets watch all the hypocrits run to become suddenly pious.