Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The stain in the front of women's panties is called "clitty litter."

   says the art of typing an FB status is directly proportional to the work done on google search

   says Once a cobra bit Bear Grylls' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

   just won the Australian lottery! I'll be a millionaire just as soon as I pay this $795 processing fee... Suckahs!!!

   When I was your age, I didn't even know what drugs were!" The robot slaps the dad. Mom: "Haha! He's definitely YOUR son!" The robot slaps the mom.

   Laters FB... I'm tired of sharing my opinions And liking everybody's sh!t......and Pokin' folks I hardly even know... Peace Out! I'll do all that sh!t to y'all tomorrow.

   I knew obama would win.. he's kenyan, and they ALWAYS win races!

   it's 76 in Miami. Global warming or just sweaty Cubans??

   If God made me in his image, does that mean he has a third nipple too?

   Its raining today, I guess my neighbors can't go to work today........They are mexican

   FACT: If you said “all of my music is in the cloud” in the 1960s, it was due to mushrooms, not Apple.

   James Bond's favorite bartender is Michael J Fox.

   Never give up on your dreams. You can go from Slovakian call girl to First Lady if you put your mind to it.

   Some people spend a fortune so they can circle the world. Others drink Beer so the world circles around them.

   Steve Jobs dies....Hmmm...That's even more jobs lost during Obama's watch.

   so happy that McDonald's doesn't sell hot dogs. I just don't think I could order a "McWeiner" with a straight face! Don't even get me started on super-sizing

   So let me get this right, I cant legally smoke marajuana, yet I can go to my local gun store and buy a Semi Automatic Machine Gun, a couple of grenades and all the ammo I want? Now who's the one that's been smoking something here?"

   Every eight minutes, someone has sex with an animal...and you wonder why they attack you.

   Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do! D Troen

   Rick Astley asked me if he could borrow my collection of Pixar films."Okay," I said. "You can have Toy Story, Cars and Finding Nemo but I'm never gonna give you Up."