Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
I want to start a Go Fund Me account to sponsor any Coronavirus infectious people to pay them to go hug a politician 
BATMAN: Thanks for filling in while Robin is away. MOTHMAN: *Just repeatedly flying into the bat signal*
America is so desperate for sports, we'd even settle for soccer.
Alcohol can cause Depression..Particularly, when you run out of it
Do ducks and geese ever sit in a circle and play “ape ape human”?
I got tested this morning for Covid-19. Ouch. Those nasal swabs go deep. Jeez, buy a gal dinner first.
After such a high demand for COVID-19 face masks, I have recently started making them. Does anyone know how much chloroform I need to use?
Another woman cause me to leave my wife. It was her mother.
I got kicked out of the boy scouts for eating a browine
Would you people PLEASE stop praying for my Grandpa to get stronger . . . he's ALREADY grabbed me by the throat this morning!
In a crowded room I like to let out a silent but deadly fart then shout "do I smell popcorn" so everyone gets a good whiff!
Angela Merkel isn't convinced about the reputations of Trump and Weinstein..she says she's never been touched up by either of them!
OK. Who is the genius that decided to call it a "Beanbag Chair" and not a "Sack of Sit"?
When your leg twitches while you sleep that is your skeleton trying to escape because you are vulnerable
What's a burnt pizza, frozen drink & a pregnant girl have in common? In each case there was an idiot who didn't take it out in time
first day of Trump Preisdency and already racism is spreading. Everyone is talking about how unreliable the Poles are.
when hitler rose to power, there were no memes to stop him.
If a trip to Golden Corral doesn't make you pro-choice, nothing will.
Tell someone you love them today, because life is too short. But shout it to them in Russian, because life is also extremely terrifying and very confusing.
Bernie Sanders endorcing Hillary Clinton feels so much like when the girl you love starts dating the guy you hate most. 