Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I don't want to move in for a month, I just wanna buy you a beer.

   can't believe the crazy things people do while driving. Lady in the car next to me is texting while driving! I nearly dropped my beer when I saw that!

   if I take all the first letters of my ex's itspells why did I bother

   was also once considered a "big f**king deal" by Vice President Joe Biden.

   According to a new report,women who have had breast implants get spells of dizziness,blurred vision & slurred speech. This is because of the amount of alcohol bought for them.

   YES WE CAN..move to Canada...

   Important Notice, if you notice this notice you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing

   worried that Elmo knows where I live....

   I said a hip hop the hippie the hippie to the hip hip hop, a you dont stop the rock it to the bang bang boogie say up jumped the boogie to the rhythm of the boogie, the beat

   freedom means to yell "Fire" in a crowded theater!

   I Cried for New Shoes, Until I Saw Someone With No Feet

   A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle!

   But officer, I wasn't texting while driving! I was updating my status!

   I really hate it when people say "that sucks" like it really makes the situation any better.

   People are going to start thinking we're crazy, well just me, you went past crazy ages ago.

   So it turns out that "The Love Shack" does, indeed, turn up on your bank statement.

   When the outcome of what I strive for is consistently determined by things completely out of my control, my give-a-damn reacts accordingly. I'm just sayin'...

   once watched a movie for 30 minutes waiting for a commercial so he could grab a snack -- then remembered it was a DVD.

   A lot of peeps these days have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B.

   Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.