Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The guy who named the Iceland volcano "Eyjafjallajokull" must have fallen asleep on his keyboard

   not GAY!!!! But his boyfriend is....

   why does ben rothlisberger cry after sex? ... because the pepper spray hurts so much.

   took some time off from Facebook and got a LOT of work done. Won't make that mistake again..

   Facebook: A place where you discover that people you once respected can't spell.

   sometimes I think something and I'm like, "that would be a good Facebook Status update." This is not one of those.

   likes to think that when I squish an ant, its final thought is, "Good. Being an ant blows."

   is wondering what childless IDIOT invented glitter glue?

   thinks that Operation "Gain As Much Weight As Humanly Possible While On Vacation" is right on schedule so far.

   just wants someone to tell me how Facebook ends so I don't have finish all this reading.

   thinks the bad thing about having kids is that they are ALL morning people.

   doesn't allow men to smoke in his room, but women can. Hell, they can barbecue a goat if they want.

   There will be no tomorrow. When it gets here, it will be today. I've played this waiting game before.

   Do you ever wish you can transport people that annoy you on an island where they are forced to fight to the end & it's all filmed live for your enjoyment? New reality show pitch...what do you think?

   If women did not exist, all of the money in the world would have no meaning.

   i believe global warning as much as I do the weather man....

   passing gas on an airplane is like Russian Roulette. You never know when the "deadly one" will hit. Not that I've done it before... I'm just saying...

   Women. Can't live with them, can't finish this joke without having to sleep on the couch.

   of course I would never call you a c*nt.....you lack the depth and warmth.

   wondering why people say "Bring it!" in a fight. Bring what?