Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5738 of 6384
Charles Rangel has been accused of 13 violations of Congressional ethical standards. I'm surprised that Congress has ethics standards.
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07-31-2010 14:31
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- I've had so many f**king blind dates recently....I should be eligible to a free dog...
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07-31-2010 13:48 by Y.P
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Ladies If it takes you more than a hour to get ready, then you ain't as cute as you think you are
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07-31-2010 13:46
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"Do Not Operate Heavy Machinery or use Facebook while under the influence of medication"
I don't care if it's rude to stare, you are hot, so I will stare.
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07-31-2010 12:24
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Facebook should give a breathalyzer test before you can sign in.
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07-31-2010 11:19
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Whoever is in charge of making sure I don't do dumb stuff is fired.
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07-31-2010 11:18
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Facebook — where you always have something better to do, but don't.
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07-31-2010 11:16
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I love you all so much right now because, well, alcohol.
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07-31-2010 11:15
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It should be illegal to have humility as awesome as mine is.
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07-31-2010 11:15
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I was just about to say "we're all adults here" in a status update and then I came to my senses.
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07-31-2010 11:13
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You know what's awesome about working out? Not a damn thing.
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07-31-2010 11:12
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"I'm for abolishing and doing away with redundancy." -- J.C. McKay
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07-31-2010 11:11
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Facebook has allowed me to bring my "He's a distraction to the rest of the class" from grade school to a global scale.
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07-31-2010 11:11
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I may have been born without the "wait, you shouldn't do that!" gene.
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07-31-2010 11:10
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Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
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07-31-2010 11:09
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Why can we develop silencers for handguns but not vacuums?
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07-31-2010 11:07
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All I want is to find a cool person to hang out with until I drop dead. Not a lot to ask.
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07-31-2010 11:06
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Computers are so advanced that they are almost human; well, except for the fact that they don't blame their mistakes on other computers.
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07-31-2010 11:04
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I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
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07-31-2010 11:04
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