Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What's common between the sun and women's underwear? a) Both are hot b) Both look better while going down c) Both disappear by night.

   You broke my heart into several pieces. Good! Now I can give it to several girls.

   thinks they should make a Michael Jackson video game

   On Facebook I am the actor, director and the bouncer all at the same time. Fear does not exist in this dojo does it? No Sensi! Sorry... when I get excited I have to toss in some Karate Kid quotes.

   I'm only adding you to make my friends list look bigger.

   finally knows why leprechauns laugh when they run...? It's because the grass tickles their nuts...

   Have you ever noticed that Octo Mom; Nadya Suleman's mought looks and acts like the Jokers mouth from The Dark Knight -- Batman?

   Why do women always ask, 'Do these jeans make me look fat?" No, your A$$ does... Trust me ladies we don't care... We like ya naked...

   Man said, "Lord... Why did ya make women so dang pretty?" The Lord replied, "So you would like them." Then the man said, "Lord, then why did you make them so dang dumb?" The Lord replied, "So they would like you too."

   wonders why the DJ is playing Lil Wayne but you are dancing like you hear Pink Floyd...

   So, if you are deaf and mute but you have psychic ability, would you have a sixth sense or a fourth one?

   has anyone ever looked at a Jeopardy contestant and said to yourself, "Hey, I bet that person would be fun to hangout with."

   I used to be afraid to fart in front of my new girlfriend. But today I just decided to let a big one go. She didn't mind. Her dad however was disgusted. The rest of the people at the funeral weren't too pleased either.

   saw a man laying in the middle of the boulevard. with paramedics and firefighters 'working' on him. This caused traffic to back up. I looked down at the man; I looked at the mess of traffic , and thought to myself, "I really hate traffic"!

   You will never hear this combination of words spoken: "hand me that piano".

   I'm officially changing my TV remote's name to Waldo.

   You want to fight?You & me?huhh. Come outside facebook!

   "Happy let everybody else report to work month. See you in September!" ~ Brett Favre

   I'm just a man; but wrap me in aluminum foil and I'll be your knight in shining armor!

   Happy Friendship Day to All !! :)