Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5734 of 6384
I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.
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08-02-2010 06:36
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The best things in life are unseen. That's why we close our eyes when we kiss, sleep and dream.
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08-02-2010 06:36
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Every time I hear a recording of my own voice, I'm convinced that I would not be friends with me if I were someone else.
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08-02-2010 06:35
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Live every week like it's shark week.
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08-02-2010 06:34
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Newton's Pee law : No matter how much you press it, shake it, rotate it, slap it and pull it. the last drop of urine for your underwear. ;)
Only on True Blood can you have a group of guys standing next to eachother buck naked, and have it not be gay.
I hate sharks! Can't there be a my little pony week?
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08-02-2010 01:15
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Looking through a girls photos and thinking "slut..slut..slut..slut" :D
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08-02-2010 00:47 by roN
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What do whales eat? Fish and ships.
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08-02-2010 00:30 by Aaron
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You know you're getting old when you got to scroll down to find your birth year!
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08-02-2010 00:18
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has mistakenly used Axe Freeze in place of body wash and now everything is tingling!!
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08-02-2010 00:08
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girls are afraid to hear the words "its over" from her guy. And you know what guys are afraid to hear?"I'm PREGNANT!!!"
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08-01-2010 23:19 by BEGO
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I can't hear you over the sound of how EPIC I am.
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08-01-2010 23:12
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What could be worse than being a "people of walmart?" Getting busted taking a picture of one. Damn flash!
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08-01-2010 23:04
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My preferred answer to the question "Isn't it a bit early to start drinking?" is "It seems a bit late to be sober."
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08-01-2010 23:03
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I ran this morning and there was nothing chasing me. There is something fundamentally wrong with that.
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08-01-2010 23:02
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Sometimes I just want to run up to a stranger on the street and say "YOU'RE IT!!" and then run away.
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08-01-2010 22:52
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Since when did M&M's start using W's?
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08-01-2010 22:46
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I don't believe I had ADHD because I, Dude! Did you see that? Do you like apples? Wow! Candy corn! 45+78= What officer? What was I saying?
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08-01-2010 22:09
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NBA rookie of the year was video taped doing 120 mph. In his defense, he claimed that he was being chased by Maury Povich.
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08-01-2010 21:00
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