Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5717 of 6384
I sometimes pee in the shower, and my girlfriend says that's only ok if I'm actually taking a shower.
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08-09-2010 15:15
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Today I say a girl riding her bike, I thought to myself what is she doing shouldn't she be in the kitchen?
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08-09-2010 15:05
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The best stuff on earth and I just got better
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08-09-2010 15:02
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Happy 8-9-10 day, now make this day count. (little number humor. haha)
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08-09-2010 14:57 by Fat Alec
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Look up the word "idiot" in the dictionary and you know what you'll find? The definition of idiot, you idiot.
I asked my friend how his date went, insisted I sniff his fingers... worse part is , he's gay...
Apparently each year, more people get killed by donkeys than in aeroplane crashes.So to summarize, if you ever see a donkey on an aeroplane, you're in f*cking trouble.
Whoever says that pizza is not good for you is sooo wrong. You can actually get every single food group into a single slice. You can't say that about much else.
just once I'd like to eat dinner with a celebrity that isn't bound an gagged
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08-09-2010 13:12
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There's literally no one in the world who uses the word "literally" properly
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08-09-2010 12:44
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I went to my proctologist and as I was bending over I heard him say "calm down Smith, calm down Smith" I looked back and told him "Doctor, my last name is Green, not Smith" and he said "I know, Smith is me"
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08-09-2010 11:27
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it considered cheating if you have to kiss your boss' ass?
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08-09-2010 10:49 by Michael
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heard some thunder yesterday & it wasn't even raining. I guess what I'm really trying to say here is that Stevie Nicks is full of crap.
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08-09-2010 09:57 by Leeferd
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wonders who wants to a fairy princess when it's so much more fun to be the wicked queen
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08-09-2010 09:15
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gathering Kardashians to throw at you.
Sometimes I miss you so much,I just want to rip you out of my dreams and hug you!
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08-09-2010 04:21 by Razya
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Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar
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08-09-2010 04:01
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Middle school- "shut up, it was a dare!" High school- "shut up, I was drunk!"
I remember the good old days when Nigerians were just scamming people on the internet...
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08-09-2010 00:51
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I just got a text saying... I'm Not The Girl Ur Mother Warned you About,,, Her Imagination Was Never This Good. Umm... you wanna come over?
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08-09-2010 00:50
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