Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A study finds that most US currency is laced with cocaine. In fact, most dollar bills have a street value of $1.07.

   will stop drinking when captain morgan puts his foot down.

   How do you scare a Brit half to death?Dress like a dental hygienist

   McDonald's will soon be issuing a burger for the monsoon in Pakistan. With every burger purchased they will send a raincoat to each victim of the disaster. The new PAKI MAC will be on sale on Monday.

   mark wahlberg said "The world needs Justin Bieber, Justin Bieber is like the white Tupac compared to a lot of people out there." marky mark need to go back to rehab for PCP.

   would shove an eggbeater up Gordon Ramsey's creepy, arrogant arse if he he ever talked to me they he does to the restauranteurs on his show.

   I got "I love you.", tattooed on my penis... my girlfriend said "Quit trying to put words in my mouth!".

   I wonder if Edward Cullen's Load looks like glitter glue??

   Just rescued a beer that was trapped in the fridge!

   ‎"I'm sorry"~Reggie Bush

   When the sun goes down and the beer starts flowing...that's when the really good ideas come out!

   "Doctor, I think I'm a deck of cards!" The doctor says, "Sit in the waiting room, I'll deal with you later."

   Pre-season football reminds me of some of my ex's. It's over too soon and it's always boring

   one reason they call it PMS is that Mad Cow disease was already taken.

   The Hoff's singing is huge in Germany. He should be proud. Germans have always been known 4 their sound judgment

   there are many peoples in front of pc for fb than doing their assignments today. it is a fact..trust me!

   I bought my daughter an Iphone she was happy I bought my son an Ipad he was exstatic I bought my wife an Iron she threw it at me

   Remember before they had Hummers when you had to actually talk to a guy to tell if he was an a**hole?

   I like being Next,, You can let somebody go in front of you and still be Next. People know who you are. " Who is that"? ... " Oh him he is Next".

   My other Facebook page is a 69 camaro.