Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Whenever I put on sweatpants I sing "eye of the tiger" so that everyone will know why.

   You're not “alternative” by choice; you were rejected by the mainstream.

   have to go pick up dino and take him to the casino in reno to pick up nino the bambino gambino and then take care of that phillipeno who spit in the Don's cappaccino

   Smoking does not actually kill you. There are plenty of old people in Europe.

   All girls with cats are bitter and crazy, and all straight men with cats are secretly gay.

   whatever does not kill me, only make's me stranger.

   likes it when he open a document on the comp and the monitor says WORD. And I'm like, YOOO!!

   Facebook Status - The new way to talk behind people's backs.

   I'd fake blindness to touch you inappropriately. ;)

   beauty is in the eye of the BEER holder.

   I get ENOUGH exercise pushing my luck! ;)

   if you don't like your job, you don't strike...you just go in everyday and do it half-assed...THAT'S THE AMERICAN WAY!!

   Look at the keyboard ... you and I are together - look underneath, it says JK. LMFAO

   just because I don't care, doesn't mean I don't understand.

   Ahhhh...pity. Where would my love life have been without it?

   3 little sentences that will get you through life...1 "Cover me" 2 "Good idea,boss" 3 "It was like that when I got here".

   Discovery Channel - Conspiracies and Myths "Finding The Tooth Fairy" is on...... I hope they find her, she owes me money.

   My mother sent me a private message on fb, telling me that I shouldn't post things that some people might find offensive. after much soul searching I had to do the right thing, so I unfriended her !

   People in jail cells shouldn't worry about having a facebook , because they're talking to walls as much as we are!

   I wish I was you so I could hang around with me