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I got sent home for inappropriate attire. Lady Gaga wore the SAME thing at the VMAs! Some people know nothing about fashion.
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09-15-2010 17:31
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Our children are really going to think we're old when they find out that we were born "before the Internet."
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09-15-2010 17:30
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Had a weird dream last night where people actually wanted to hear about other people's dreams.
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09-15-2010 17:29
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Him: For every cigarette you smoke I breathe in 50% of the smoke you do. Me: If that's the case, you owe me for a half a pack of cigarettes.
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09-15-2010 17:28
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I once posed nude for a magazine... but the clerk still asked if I'd be paying with cash or credit.
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09-15-2010 17:27
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When you look forward to coming home so you can have drink and NOT because of who is there... it's a big problem!
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09-15-2010 17:20
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You know those neighbors who spy on you and then blab to everyone else? My neighbors have one of those.
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09-15-2010 17:19
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You'll never regret having a safety deposit box stuffed full of fake passports and sixty million dollars.
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09-15-2010 17:18
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Do strippers have nightmares where they are in front of a large crowd with their clothes on?
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09-15-2010 17:16
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I went snorkeling so I could brag to my friends, but I'm having problems photoshopping the bathtub out of the pictures.
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09-15-2010 17:16
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Whenever I put on sweatpants I sing "eye of the tiger" so that everyone will know why.
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09-15-2010 17:15
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You're not “alternative” by choice; you were rejected by the mainstream.
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09-15-2010 16:59 by
Ha Ha
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have to go pick up dino and take him to the casino in reno to pick up nino the bambino gambino and then take care of that phillipeno who spit in the Don's cappaccino
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09-15-2010 16:58
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Smoking does not actually kill you. There are plenty of old people in Europe.
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09-15-2010 16:57 by
Ha Ha
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All girls with cats are bitter and crazy, and all straight men with cats are secretly gay.
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09-15-2010 16:56 by
Ha Ha
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whatever does not kill me, only make's me stranger.
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09-15-2010 16:51
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likes it when he open a document on the comp and the monitor says WORD. And I'm like, YOOO!!
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09-15-2010 16:47 by
samdave69
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Facebook Status - The new way to talk behind people's backs.
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09-15-2010 16:46
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I'd fake blindness to touch you inappropriately. ;)
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09-15-2010 16:05 by
Heather26
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beauty is in the eye of the BEER holder.
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09-15-2010 16:00 by
Heather26
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