Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5676 of 6384
Thinks The "Ice Road Truckers" should fill their tires with helium so the trucks weigh less.
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08-23-2010 09:02
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nearly 500 million eggs recalled, I'd hate to be the guy who has to put them back in the chickens.
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08-23-2010 08:48 by otis
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When I ride alone with a random guy in an elevator I'll wait a sec then ask "two man killing spree?"
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08-23-2010 08:22 by Tom
Comments (8)
"Absolutely, sir. And what kind of pig would you like to hear?" (Real American, if he was in Deliverance)
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08-23-2010 08:19 by Tom
Comments (7)
When you allow a Hypocrite to stand between you and God, guess who is closer to God...
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08-23-2010 08:06
Comments (2)
Can we pretend the air-NO
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08-23-2010 07:54
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when I smash a bug on the wall or ceiling I like to keep it there as a warning to the others..
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08-23-2010 07:30 by Yaj
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I still stop conversations to join in for that "Hey! Must be the money!" part of the song.
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08-23-2010 05:36 by MBH
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The only thing worse than awkward silence, is when that silence is broken by an awkward "Soooo anyways."
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08-23-2010 05:35
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Stop looking at your phone. No one texted you.
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08-23-2010 05:34 by MBH
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I need a redbull & a nap..
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08-23-2010 04:27
Comments (7)
Women spend 2% of their lives trying to figure out where bruises on their legs came from
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08-23-2010 03:50 by paulb808
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Its so hot outside right now that I'm getting hot flashes... and I'm a man!
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08-22-2010 23:08 by gb
Comments (1)
watching reruns of the Biggest Loser and eating a bag of Oreos.
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08-22-2010 23:06
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I always feel like a domestic God after watching Hoarders.
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08-22-2010 21:55 by Jeff
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Thinks it is pathetic that I walk into a restaurant and half the couples are not even talking to each other but texting on their smart phones. Crap, brb, my wife is bugging me about something....
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08-22-2010 21:23
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sad no one wished her a happy birthday today, which isn't too surprising since its not her birthday
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08-22-2010 20:37
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thinking of adding you to his to-do list.
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08-22-2010 19:52 by ANGELA
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got a job...single mother and can't even get help from the government because I make $100 too much...might as well be on welfare!
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08-22-2010 19:41
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My friend, Eddie, spends several hours a day lubricating an old bench clamp... It's one of his many vices.
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08-22-2010 19:13 by Tom
Comments (1)