Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5633 of 6384
contemplating standing up from his desk, stripping down to his tighty whities whilst spontaneously yelling out "Frank the Tank" as he walks out the door...
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09-10-2010 02:55 by gd
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just came out of KFC with a Family Feast and some awesome sides. A poor homeless man sat there and said, "I haven't eaten for two days". I said, "I wish I had your f*ing willpower!".
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09-10-2010 00:30
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SKY news announced that Tampax have signed on to sponsor Tiger Woods. A spokesman for Tampax said, "To sponsor a c*nt going through a bad period is exactly what our company is all about".
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09-10-2010 00:28 by kittykat
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In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.
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09-09-2010 22:52 by Aaron
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when I was a YOUNG artist.... my box of CRAYONS would only last ONCE...I would burn and MELT them into ART!
Wait they replaced The Cookie Monster on Sesame Street with The Veggie Monster? What the f**k is this?
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09-09-2010 22:43
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when the Neilson Ratings called me to survey what I watch on TV... I let them know what shows are stupid and pointless....Unfortunately, they are still airing JERSEY SHORE!
Think the Crayola people would get mad if I try to burn there Crayon?
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09-09-2010 21:39
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wondering if night-time funeral processions drive with their lights off or what?
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09-09-2010 20:54 by Troy
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Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the drive before it has stopped snowing.
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09-09-2010 20:31
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OK...I have 20 Bowls and 20 Lids...Not NONE of the dang things match!!
Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn't mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine;)
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09-09-2010 19:19
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Dear Americans, you need to burn Calories, NOT THE QURAAN !!
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09-09-2010 18:24 by I.J
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Do not remove a fly from your friend's forehead with a hatchet.
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09-09-2010 18:24
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Why is it called 'dry humping' when I still need a towel?
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09-09-2010 18:22
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just changed my profile date of birth and was really loving all the attention until my mom wished me a Happy Birthday. My own mother didn't even know my real birthday is not until April.
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09-09-2010 18:18 by Troy
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dislikes people who make fun of Brett Favre just because of his age. Basically all you're saying is "He's older then me, and still play's the game better then I ever will."
Trick or treat is not a game
Would it be good news or bad news if your Girlfriend told you that she was already married???
Okay...someone explain this to me. You have five urinals in a public restroom and are using the one all the way at the end. Someone walks in and....out of the four other available urinals, decides to "neighbor pee" in the one next to you......WTH?!?