Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   by now, even Ed Hardy thinks that shirt makes you look like a douche.

   someone is having a keg of the Mondays

   Kindness is just love with its workboots on.

   Of this I am certain: This war on terrorism which has been longer than any other modern war thus far, will turn into a war of religion, Christianity vs Islam because of Ignorants and Fundamentalists on either side.

   Steve Irwin should have used sunscreen.... it protects from harmful rays

   I wish that Hallmark would make a card that says, "Sorry, what was your name again?"

   Drive careful studies show that 89% of all people are caused by accidents

   funniest joke ever... 2 women sitting on a bench minding their own business saying nothing

   Just saw this group on facebook: "Menstruation, menopause, mental breakdowns... Ever noticed how all womens problems begin with men?" No. All womens problems begin with opening their mouths and saying stupid things like that.

   Apparently saying you're gay with excitement about going to the Texas Rodeo is a poor choice of words

   Fellas, don't assume she wants to be in a relationship ... "Ladies is pimps too"

   I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.

   I'm perfectly imperfect, beautiful in my flaws, sure of my insecurities, absolute chaos...a beautiful disaster.

   Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning.

   Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great... I know this is too much for you, so here is a shortcut - Just think about me.

   When you meet someone online & you fall in love is that considered love & first site?

   Just tried to wake my wife up, by throwing skittles at her... yelling, Wake Up, and taste the rainbow.

   thinks that thinking about the thoughts of thinking are too thinkable for thoughts to be thought about thinking, I think

   thinks a GPS should just say warm...warmer...no idiot - cold...warmer...hot...ur frickin on FIRE! You have arrived at your destination.

   Today is National "Women Shut Up If your not Talking About Football" Day. GO COWBOYS!!!!!