Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5568 of 6384
In certain cultures its illegal to look this good
If I look at your mouth while your talking to me then CLEARLY I want you to just stfu!
The movie "The Social Network" about facebook earned 9 million dollars in sales Friday night to top all movies. Imagine what they could have done if those veiwers had dates!
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10-02-2010 14:22 by Jeff
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I hate people with fake names on facebook... Sorry Jamee Snickers Daughtry and Ashley Snookie Capulto you are now defriended
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10-02-2010 13:47
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Loves to see her go but hates to watch her leave
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10-02-2010 13:40
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purchased his own Taser off the internet yesterday. In a totally unconnected incident, I've got to buy a cat to replace the neighbour's one this afternoon (and it must be identical looking)........
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10-02-2010 12:46 by deithy
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Recent surveys show 3 out of 10 men have a problem with premature ejaculation. The rest of us just don't think it's a problem.
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10-02-2010 12:04
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It's nice when a grocery clerk asks if I found everything OK, but if they really cared they'd have all this sh!t in the same aisle for me.
Hooters needs to change its logo, all these years I thought I was eating owl wings.
Zombies make the best boyfriends; they love you for your brain, not your body...
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10-02-2010 09:08
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Thinks......I'd rather see a pregnant woman standing on the bus than a fat girl sitting down crying
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10-02-2010 08:40 by fluids
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Boxers don't have sex before a fight, do you know why that is??? They don't fancy each other
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10-02-2010 08:36 by jizzy
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Excuse you, I'm in your way ... you should watch where I'm going!!
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10-02-2010 08:35
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I'm not being condescending, I'm too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn't understand.
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10-02-2010 08:30 by chipmunk
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I'm thinking of re-releasing my old statuses in 3D.
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
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10-02-2010 07:34 by mr brown
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You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.
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10-02-2010 07:32 by boob
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It's a shame that all the people who know how to run the country are all busy driving taxi's and cutting hair!
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10-02-2010 07:23
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Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
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10-02-2010 07:07 by safc
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Why is it that people always point to their wrist when they ask what time it is? I don't see them pointing to their ass when they ask where that bathroom is!!!
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10-02-2010 06:55 by mbs101
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