Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Another day of saying stuff I don't mean and thinking stuff I don't say.

   Muggers accept all major credit cards.

   I will always forgive you, I only want you to realize what you have done wrong.

   Sometimes the people you love the most are the ones that hurt you the most...but it's up to you to decide who you live through the pain for...

   I wrote something about drugs and my mom "liked" it!

   just made a Peanut Butter sandwich with some cashews. It was nuts

   wouldn't mind seeing the cast of "Jersey Shore" stuck in a coal mine for a couple of months. No TV cameras allowed.

   Welcome to the real Internet, where the men are men, the women are men, and the children are the FBI.

   Heard the miners in Chile are being removed Juan by Juan...

   I saw a big billboard that said "We Buy Ugly Houses".... so... I gave them my neighbors' address. :)

   is single...but you're welcome to change that as long as your female and emotionally stable without the use of medication.

   So, this freed Chilean miner walks into a bar, hot chick buys him a drink & says "Your place or mine?"

   I've got the 28th pick in my Fantasy Chilean miner league. Let's hope there's some good ones still down there.

   Its Couples Week! Copy And Paste This With the Date When You Got Together! Well, since I'm single I think I'll just go have casual, no strings attached sex and not have deal with remembering about the date of it.

   The lawyer for Brett Favre should use this defense regarding the pics "He was making a pass at his wife and another woman intercepted it"

   I'm heavily armed...and not afraid to flab them in your face! :P

   ‎2 packet of Crisps were walking along the road. Passing car stops and the driver asked if they would like a lift. "No thanks," said the crisps "We're Walker's''

   Those Chilean miners are gonna be so surprised when they find out they were really on Big Brother this whole time.

   The Skort, skirt in the front, shorts in the back; it's like a mullet for your ass

   People should have to pass an IQ test to use the self-checkout section.