Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5504 of 6384
“A friend is someone who will help you move. A real friend is someone who will help you move a body.”
Hot girls always have their statuses "like"d by dozens of people no matter how stupid the statuses may be.
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10-24-2010 01:42 by DB
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I have renamed the Victoria's Secret Wonder Bra to the Victoria's Secret Wendy's Bra, because I know when it's real.
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10-24-2010 01:41 by DB
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I live the same way as I type... fast and with lots of mistakes
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10-23-2010 21:42
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singing to the dark through open eyes
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10-23-2010 21:13
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Why when your car breaks down and you push it to the side of the road, does someone ask "is your car broke down?" "NO, I decided to take it for a walk."
^v--^v--^v----------------^v--^v woah for a second there I was bored to death
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10-23-2010 20:11
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i have nothing against god, it's just his fan club that i'm against
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10-23-2010 20:08 by one
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I want to start a women's magazine called "Period". And some months I'll send it out late just to freak out my subscribers...
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10-23-2010 19:55
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The Deadliest Catch would be so much cooler if they'd plant a serial killer on each boat... ><(((((%>
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10-23-2010 19:53
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keeps a fake journal claiming I've done monumental stuff, so if I ever develop amnesia, I'm gonna think I'm freakin' AWESOME!
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10-23-2010 19:50
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wonders who opened that first oyster and said, "My, my, my... now doesn't this look yummy!"
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10-23-2010 19:48
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A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh.
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10-23-2010 19:46
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wonders how come so many people "Roll On The Floor *Laughing*" (ROTFL)? If I'm rolling on the floor, it's usually because I'm on fire. Send help.
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10-23-2010 19:44
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thinks that physical abilty doesn't compensate for mental incompetence....
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10-23-2010 19:43
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printing off a fresh new batch of twenty dollar bills....
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10-23-2010 19:36
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has transferred organic stickers from the apples & put them on the Oreo packages in the grocery store to make them healthier. They're on me. Enjoy!
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10-23-2010 19:35
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So, I guess the FDA has approved the "week-after" pill - the perfect remedy for those not so skilled at time/pants management.
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10-23-2010 19:33
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uh oh... it's Saturday night and I just saw the little devil from my left shoulder drop kick the little angel off my right shoulder a minute ago...this can't be good...
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10-23-2010 19:31
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thinks that just once I'd like to see a realistic tampon commercial, an actress sobbing herself to sleep with a half-chewed Snickers in her mouth.
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10-23-2010 19:28
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