Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I have no problem with allowing Michael Vick to play in the NFL. However, if he ever suffers a career ending injury, he should be "put to sleep" immediately

   Great! Now all the pervs are going to apply for jobs with the TSA!

   If you're happy and you know it...share your meds.

   Mike Vick thought he was playing the Washington Pitbulls cause he killed them!!

   Everyone is intitled to their opinion, and in my opinion, your opinion sucks!

   ‎"One of the few things I really about FaceBook is that you can post or quote almost anything and few people will question it."- Abraham Lincoln :)

   Thinks someone needs to invent a sarcasm font.

   bad decisions make good stories.

   just added a guy on facebook named "emon", just so I could Poke Emon

   If I get pulled over in Arizona and the cop says "Papers" and I say "Scissors", do I win?

   New study shows that too much Facebook leads to alcohol/drug abuse, which leads to neglecting one's imaginary sheep.

   Fox News reports that Obama visits Indonesia, one of several foreign countries where he was born.

   We need to talk, shuffle.. One Hall & Oates song is a great idea - but two in a row is completely unacceptable.

   In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man doesn't have to worry about people staring at his patch.

   Russians have grossly misunderstood roulette. Someone needs to tell them it's gambling on numbers, not maybe killing yourself.

   wants a full-body scan AND a pat-down! Mmmmm...

   I always wanted to read other people's minds, well now there's facebook where everyone just thinks out loud. Thank you facebook, the future is here.

   So when your sexting...do you get a phoner?

   never make eye-contact with anyone while eating a banana

   my anger management class pisses me off..