Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I want my boss to tell my coworker to shave her mustache! If I have too she has to too.

   Auto correct can go straight to He'll

   As promised to Obama, Indians are creating jobs for americans. First recruit is Pamela anderson in Big Boss Season 4 ( Paid whooping USD 10 M per day for 3 days)

   Facebook will soon have to come with a warning label so they don't get sued! "Warning Facebook may cause some losers to stalk their ex's and cause them to have an asthma attack. If you have a tendency to be a stalker please do not use Facebook!"

   I'm not asleep... but that doesn't mean I'm awake.

   was looking for a date on Craigs list only to find out that "420 friendly" did not stand for maximum weight limit.

   I'm Your Huckleberry

   Today, no one wished me a happy birthday. I'm not suprised, today isn't my birthday

   CoD...... Keeping teenage pregnancy down, since 2003.\

   Macaroni would be nothing if it weren't for cheese. Cheese, on the other hand, doesn't need macaroni to stay pimp. I think we all know who wears the pants in the macaroni and cheese relationship.

   If things aren't going right, go left

   We need to quit worrying about small pox, and start worrying about big pox

   Nobody loved poor Rudolph, until his birth defect served a purpose...nice story for the kids

   found out that if you play a Justin Beiber album backwards, you hear satanic messages. What's even worse is, if you play it forward, you hear Justin Bieber...

   if Winter was alive, I would hunt it down and kill it..."

   is it just me, or are 80% of the faces in the "people you may know feature" on Facebook, people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

   if I sneeze and you're sitting next to me, it is acceptable to bless me. If I sneeze and you're 50 feet across the room from me, no need to shout at me unless you're the pope."

   ‎I don't remember anything from last night. Somebody must've put something in my drink". Yeah. If this was a game of Clue I'd have to go with "the bartender, In the club, with the vodka."

   Nothing's more satisfying than when "the one that got away" turns into "whew, dodged that bullet."

   It's tough to judge nonverbal cues from someone with an eyepatch. Did that pirate just wink at me or are they blinking?"