Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Good morning. Are you having TSA fantasies?

   I hope every school yard bully finds the kid from the Toyota Highlander commercials and mercilessly beat him.

   thinking we need to change the term "Big Brother" to "Creepy Uncle."

   Anyone who says onions are the only vegetable that can make you cry has never been hit in the face with a pumpkin.

   is hoping for some Salem style mayhem before having to sit through another Harry Potter snorefest.....Gandalf still owes me 8 bucks for the last one.

   I want my boss to tell my coworker to shave her mustache! If I have too she has to too.

   Auto correct can go straight to He'll

   As promised to Obama, Indians are creating jobs for americans. First recruit is Pamela anderson in Big Boss Season 4 ( Paid whooping USD 10 M per day for 3 days)

   Facebook will soon have to come with a warning label so they don't get sued! "Warning Facebook may cause some losers to stalk their ex's and cause them to have an asthma attack. If you have a tendency to be a stalker please do not use Facebook!"

   I'm not asleep... but that doesn't mean I'm awake.

   was looking for a date on Craigs list only to find out that "420 friendly" did not stand for maximum weight limit.

   I'm Your Huckleberry

   Today, no one wished me a happy birthday. I'm not suprised, today isn't my birthday

   CoD...... Keeping teenage pregnancy down, since 2003.\

   Macaroni would be nothing if it weren't for cheese. Cheese, on the other hand, doesn't need macaroni to stay pimp. I think we all know who wears the pants in the macaroni and cheese relationship.

   If things aren't going right, go left

   We need to quit worrying about small pox, and start worrying about big pox

   Nobody loved poor Rudolph, until his birth defect served a purpose...nice story for the kids

   found out that if you play a Justin Beiber album backwards, you hear satanic messages. What's even worse is, if you play it forward, you hear Justin Bieber...

   if Winter was alive, I would hunt it down and kill it..."