Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "Nice Beaver." Simple, yet effective. RIP Leslie Nielsen. Your classic comedy movies will continue to make us laugh.

   heard that frank Drebin died today. It couldnt have been Nordberg that killed him because OJ doesnt kill people

   The camera adds 10 pounds. Reality adds 20.

   Leslie Neilsen died?! Surely you can't be serious?!

   Surely he's not dead! He is. And stop calling me Shirley. R.I.P. Leslie Neilsen.

   If you worry about all the bridges you burn in life, you will never get across the river.

   wish I can do , what CAL LIGHTMAN can ;-)

   seriously thinking she was swapped at birth!

   I hope when I die and I'm standing at the pearly gates "trying to get in" that they dont have a list of all the things I have Googled and start reading them aloud !

   RIP Leslie Nielsen. I promise not to call you Shirley.

   Can you imagine how hard it was to check the blindspots on the left side if the Millennium Falcon?

   Jealousy is an illness, get well soon!

   LOCAL CHICKEN FARMER HIRING STAFF FOR XMAS, $ 19.50 HR. I told them about your experience handling c*ck, you start Monday......

   found this pic. on the net. The guys name in the photo was “Mike Litoris”. Oh how he must have been picked on as a child!

   You had me at "my giant boobs make my back hurt"

   If they can come out with an app that can do your homework 4 you I swear...

   people who migrate to another country should be expected to respect that culture as in no flag burning and wishing that OUR troops should be killed. They should be deported or arrested for treason

   Whenever I hand someone my camera to take a picture, they act like I'm asking them to pilot an alien spaceship. JUST PUSH THE DAMN BUTTON!

   Acquaintance: a person I know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

   WHOOOAAA!!! I smell the strong stench of "MONDAY" brewing!!