Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5426 of 6385
Girl: You have a big stomach, you cant even see your own feet! GUY: I let it get big like this so I won't have to look at your face while you suck my D***!..
By definition, shouldn't the word "unique" have zero synonyms in a thesaurus?
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11-17-2010 23:00 by Aaron
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Living in Orlando makes me feel like I'm in a foreign country....which is PERFECT for Thanksgiving!!!
Alright so I ended up taking part in national unfriend day... it's going to be awkward telling my cat he is no longer my friend.
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11-17-2010 22:16
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Milestone Alert: This is my 100th Post From a toilet....I'd like to thank the fine people from Mcdonalds for making this post possible!!!
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11-17-2010 21:37 by jmigas
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you can have my FourLoko when you pry it from my cold, dead drunk hands...
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11-17-2010 21:25 by kauffman
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thinking the TSA needs to add a smoking section at security checkpoints I need a smoke after that "pat down"!
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11-17-2010 21:07
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In line at walmart. The lady in front of me had a lawn chair, a can of beans and a box of that summers eve douche rinse. I'm afraid to imagine what her weekend might consist of
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11-17-2010 20:50
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made entirely of flaws but stitched together with good intentions.
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11-17-2010 19:55
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Time to go give my sheets some a$$ and pillow some head...
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11-17-2010 19:54
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Today is National Unfriend Day... but what if mother won't let me unfriend?
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11-17-2010 19:54
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Every time a T.S.A. Agent touchs your junk... the terrorist win.
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11-17-2010 19:44
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...just heard that Tampax is replacing the strings with tinsel this month. ...Ladies, get them soon, supplies only last for the Christmas period!"
may not be the real Santa, but that doesn't mean I haven't seen you while you're sleeping."
putting on his mistletoe belt buckle!" .
So... what did I learn today?.... never, EVER stand up too quickly after playing guitar hero for 3 hours straight!
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11-17-2010 18:41
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A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind.
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11-17-2010 18:24
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ohh yeahh... the sex was so good even the neighbors had a cigarette
You wouldn't believe how jealous she is. She even came up the aisle with her brothers as bridesmaids.
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11-17-2010 18:21
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if someone with parkinson's accepts your apology for making fun of them, is it wrong to ask them to shake on it? Just asking.
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11-17-2010 18:03
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