Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5398 of 6386
yo mamma so greasy she used bacon as a band-aid
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11-26-2010 13:49 by Aaron
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Always remember that famous rich people poop just like the rest of us.
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11-26-2010 13:49
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The problem with the girl of my dreams is that she's never around when I'm awake.
"It sure is nice to not be out shopping." - sane people
Just bought someone I don't really like something they don't really need. But I saved 10 bucks!!
I don't understand some people. It's Black Friday. I just passed a black family at Costco. I shook the father's hand and wished them all a Happy Holiday. The father asked me what's wrong with me.
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11-26-2010 13:21 by RedDog58
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. If I flip this coin, what do you think my chances are of getting head?
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11-26-2010 13:15 by Luka
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I'm so good at cooking, that the smoke alarm is cheering me on!
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11-26-2010 12:19 by Carter
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won't take no for an answer. Unless the answer he wants is no, then he will take no for an answer.
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11-26-2010 12:18
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thinks we need to stand by our North Korean Allies.
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11-26-2010 12:07
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loves when people just click the 'like' button on a thread of comments cause they're too lazy to add another comment
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11-26-2010 11:20 by levon
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Obama gets 12 stitches in his lip after basketball game. Impending war with North Korea but hey, let's shoot some hoops!!
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11-26-2010 11:17
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remembers the days when 'Black Friday' was referred to as 'Colored Friday'
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11-26-2010 11:15 by levon
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Figured It Out Black Friday is Like Child birth,U know Its gonna Be a LONG process,Ur Even excited about it the night B4 It Happens BUT as soon as it starts It Hurts Like Hell,U Wanna Kill Every1,pray that it ends soon & promises to never 2 do it again
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11-26-2010 10:34
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Diarreah the day after thanksgiving is a turkeys last revenge...
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11-26-2010 09:40
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having second thoughts.. and confused cause I completely skipped the first ones !
If we hear a burglar stumbling around our house in the dark why do we yell out 'Who's There'? Do we really expect them to yell back their name?
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11-26-2010 09:22 by Luka
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When you ask a person in a strange town for directions why do they say 'I haven't got a clue'? Don't they understand that you want directions instead of clues?
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11-26-2010 09:22 by Luka
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Why do people look up when they think?
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11-26-2010 09:21 by Luka
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Why do we kill people for killing people to show that killing is wrong?
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11-26-2010 09:11 by Luka
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