Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Hickies in junior high = Sweet! Hickies in your 30s = Gross

   been poked more times than a fireplace this month.

   george washington owned a dodge charger---wikipedia

   Putting kids to bed is a little like playing WHACK-A-MOLE.

   watching Jersey Shore...Are my eyes supposed to bleed?

   real eyes realize real lies

   Worst football performance by a Brady since Marcia.

   just because the shampoo bottle says strawberry dont means it taste like strawberries

   just like the rent, too damn high.

   thinking about going on a cruise just for the profile picture opportunities.

   watching Yellow Submarine. So this is what it feels like to be high.

   Damn right I'm good in bed. I can sleep for days!!

   Am I the only one that uses the bristles on an esclalator to brush your shoes?

   Just learned how to cut and paste! Just learned how to cut and paste! Just learned how to cut and paste!

   When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street.

   Guess what happened to me last night?????? I had a Dream.......

   trying to remember how to read, but these letters are distracting me! >_<

   the Batmobile is for sale on ebay the price is half a million...Anyone want to go in on halfies! :D

   likes to applaud inanimate objects just to see if they react 

   it me or does that guy with the golden voice look like mac tonight ?