Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   just finished taking care of my bills...its easy when they are paperless, just hit delete

   If it's your birthday in November, then you know your parents really enjoyed Valentine's Day...

   • Thank you Facebook for reconnecting me with the people I ignored in High School

   The NFL should have had Justin Bieber sing the National Anthem. What would be more un-american than Christina Aquilera forgetting the lyrics? A Canadian singing our National Anthem. (p.s. the camera still adds 40 pounds even if you are wearing black)

   GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your girlfriend with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'

   Don't you just love it when someone owes you money and posts that they just bought some luxury item for themselves.

   34 days till steak and rh day! :D

   February is National Chocolate Lovers Month, it's also Black History Month... coincidence?

   Today's Forecast: Mostly Grumpy with a 60% chance of Grouchy. High of Mean/Low of Nasty. A Temper Tantrum warning is in effect. Take immediate shelter!

   be warned if you piss me off today I'm going to knock your teeth so far down your throat you will need to stick your toothbrush up your backside to clean them

   Sometimes all you need is a good beer a walk and a talk to realize all you Need is a good beer a walk an a talk..

   Mabee someone shoulda gave christina one of those wristbands the quarterbacks use and wrote the lyrics on it.

   You are now aware that you can't say Irish wristwatch.

   Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic

   "Gimme a whiskey, ginger ale on the side. And don't be stingy, baby."

   Welcome to Facebook where whine is served 24 hrs a day.

   Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair

   playing around with the google doodle/logo :p

   When times get tough, just live a little more and laugh twice as much.

   Come to the Dark Side. We have cookies.