Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My grandma and your grandma were sitting by the fire, my grandma pushed your grandma right in the fire...that's just how she rolls.

   A t.v. christian dating site commercial : Hey Christians, want to be in a meaningful relationship? ...whoa whoa whoa...arent they IN a MEANINGFUL relationship...with GOD?

   I'll have a cheeseburger, minus the burger, cheese, bread, and add tequila

   A school in Kentucky is going to start teaching the Bible in the class room.....yea that's great...but I didn't know anyone in Kentucky knew how to read.

   Whenever I say, "I don't mean that in a bad way"... yeah, I probably do.

   Democrats...Republicans...News Media....Racial tension....let's put the blame where it belongs....THANKS EVE, HAVE "ANOTHER " APPLE !!!!!

   remember when cops really wanted to PROTECT and SERVE and teachers really wanted to EDUCATE children? I miss the 1800's

   Poor Snooki, Charlie Sheen wouldnt even hit that.

   Wisconsin 0...Gov. Walker 1....now go home and put your cheese head hats on.

   FOR SALE: Wedding dress, size 12, worn once by mistake.

   Where you find true friendship, You find true love.

   Talked to Mom tonight. She said she got a good 8 inches in Albany tonight. God I hope she's talking about snow...

   I think the guy in the Trojan personal messager commercial is way too happy that his girl friend got 3 of them

   Okay I have time to get an hour of sleep before I need to get ready for work. Bed get ready because this needs to be quick but meaningful.

   looking for a landingstrip to a hanger where I can park my plane in for the night.

   You've just gotta love that awkward moment when you start telling a story and you realize no one's listening, so you slowly fade out and pretend you never said anything.

   cuddling up with a good book and a cup of tea. Ah, who am I kidding....I'm looking at Hustler and having a beer,

   When writing the story of your life... Don't let anyone hold the pen!!!

   I've perfected the art of the “You're telling me a story that I don't care about, but I'm trying to look interested” face.

   Are you really sorry or are you just Charlie Sheen sorry?