Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   According to a recent survey... Arizona is the 29th happiest state in the U.S... I'm not sure how I feel about that...

   International Women's Day... Because it's not like you want attention on any other day...

   I wanna be a billionaire so freakin bad buy all of the things I never had...I wanna be on the cover of Playboy magazine smiling next to Charlie Sheen...

   Fat Tuesday, the day obese people look forward to. The day they think it's socially acceptable to wear leggings and belly shirts. It's not.

   Inmate: Dam Officer these cuffs are to tight.... Me: Ooooh my wife says the same thing all the time. Quit whining!

   Radio One DJ Chris Moyles has announced he will perform a record-breaking 37 hour radio show. If rumours are to be believed then during his time on air he will play almost a dozen records.

   "Boob" is the perfect word. The B looks like an aerial view of them, the 2 o's look like a front view, and the b looks like the side view.

   There are 206 bones in the human body. This can rise to 209 on a regular basis if your name is Jordan.

   Immature = a word, boring people use to describe fun people

   I'm pretty sure when Charlie Sheen said he had "Tiger Blood" in him, he was referring to the golfer, not the animal. duh!..Winner!

   upset :( threw my iPhone with the "flight mode" on, but it didn't fly...

   Electrolux - Teaching women their place for over 50 years

   Women have to deal with periods and pregnancy. Men have to deal with Women. It's all about balance.

   I asked my wife why her facebook password was SneezySleepyDopeyDocHappyBashfulGrumpy she said it needed to be seven characters

   My wife would buy anything. Just this afternoon I came home to find a naked man in her closet.

   to all the dead beat dads that messed up their daughters...thanks! Sincerely every guy that likes strippers

   ...International Women's Day...Cause it's not like you want attention on any other day...

   Boob is the perfect word in the dictionary..... the B looks like an aerial view of it, the OO is the front view of it... and the b looks like the side way view of it...(.)(.)

   scream in a Library, everyone just looks at you, but if you scream on a plane, everyone joins in!!?

   Getting ready to go get me a box of Twinkies and Donuts. Duh, Winning.