Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Please FB, if not permanently, then at least on April Fool's Day...when people poke me, make the button give a sudden loud buzz and frighten the crap out of them :)..x

   Irish I was a little bit taller, Irish I was a baller. Irish I had a girl who looked good I would call her.

   Sept. 11th (NY) ... Jan. 11th (HAITI) ... March 11th (JAPAN) .... Luke 21:10-11 : How many times do I have to see this? Hey wingnuts, get your dates right before you post !! Google Haiti's earthquake and check out the date! 12 Jan 2010 ( NOT 11 Jan).

   I wish google would stop saving my searches. My girlfriend googled Apples the other day and with just the letter A, Google suggested Asian Ass Porn.

   Life is a beach, I'm just playin' in the sand...

   Don't be fooled; foil has a tendencey to glitter more than gold..

   so the technology exists allowing us to watch TV and movies in 3-D or HD, but when it comes to security camera footage it still looks like it's being shot with the camera from Blair Witch Project."

   EVERYBODY needs to get their heads out of their @$$'s the world is not going to end next year! in 2000 they said that something was going to happen, and nothing EVER did!

   Am sorry but that Progessive Insurance chick " DISCOUNT !!! " .... ya her! she pretty hot !!

   I am a Social Drinker, and since facebook is a social network.... I drink while I am on it lol

   Before Snoop Dogg had his "foshizzle", Willy Wonka had his "Scrumdiddlyumptious" bar!

   Wives & girlfriends are temporary but ex-wives & ex-girlfriends last forever.

   The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate.

   The recent tsunami is not divine biblical retribution or proof that the world is ending on 12/21/12. Overblown media coverage has turned this natural tragedy into a circus. What's needed now is support, solidarity and common sense

   Actions speak louder than words, but talk is cheap and you have to consider that in this economy.

   Sometimes, when I'm feeling down because nothing seems to be going right, I like to take a home pregnancy test. Then I can say, "Hey, at least I'm not pregnant." And I know happy days are around the corner.

   Words of wisdom #1: Never buy brownies at Snoop Dogs bake sale.

   I made sushi for my dinner today. I was missing some ingrediants though, so I substituted the fish with ham, the wasabi with mustard and the rice with two slices of bread. Yum! Good sushi!

   I'm swearing off energy drinks! The last one left me so buzzed,I ended up out in my yard for hours freaking out about a double rainbow!

   Do kleptomaniacs take medicine for their condition or do they pay for it?