Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I saved 15 per cent on my insurance by switching to haiku.

   I've always known my lifetime of alienating friends and family would one day pay off.

   It's gotten so bad that Trump has reached out to Puerto Rico and asked for the paper towels back..

   Has a 24 pack of Charmin Extra Soft. Willing to trade for a bottle of Imodium A-D.

   aaargh ... just what I need is for my Wife to have another reason to demand I stay at least six feet away from her at all times.

   Some people aren’t shaking hands because of the Coronavirus. I’m not shaking hands because everyone is out of toilet paper.

   BREAKING: Snow White is down to 6 Dwarves.. Sneezy was just placed in quarantine.

   Why are all these farmers committing suicide in the midwest area? This is sad.

   I'll start worrying about a virus just as soon as the Germans make one. Nothing made in China is going to put me down.

   markets will be back by April knucklehead below

   We need a "stable genius" that understands you can call news and people fake but you can't call a virus fake. This fake virus has wiped out more than 50% of the three years of market gains in two weeks. Who you gonna call? Obama busters....

   If there's one place I can't stand... It's an ice rink!

   Since the stores are all sold out... I'm thinking maybe Trump can get us some of those paper towels back he gave to Puerto Rico.

   I'm such a procrastinator, I'm just now getting around to worrying about Zika Virus.

   I have a lot of opinions for someone who is never completely sure of today’s date

   Coronavirus won't last long, it was made in China.

   I don't care what you look like as long as you don't smell bad.

   By the reactions below, this is a group of major pole buffers.

   The morality rate for Covid-19 is 2%. The percentage of g@ys is 4%. You have a greater chance of becoming a mollusk muncher or a pole smoker than dying from the Coronavirus.

   Anyone remember a time before Facebook when you how to get your selfies developed then go around to all your friends houses to see if they liked them? Yeah neither do I.