Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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INSTALLING SPRING... ████████░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ 33% DONE. Install delayed....please wait. Installation failed. Please try again
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03-26-2011 19:40
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justin bieber said he was having a baby. Usher was like OMG. Katy Perry set off fireworks. Bruno Mars thoght they were grenades. Eminem was like I'm not afraid. Jason Derulo said Whatcha Say? Then Nelly said it was only just a dream.

a stranger in a strange land. And that land is Denny's at 3am on a weekend.
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03-26-2011 19:04
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I wonder if Samuel L. Jackson reads his lines in all CAPS.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
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03-26-2011 17:29 by mark
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Redneck Word Of The Day-OBAMA: I just wiped my butt OBAMA self
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03-26-2011 16:34
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THINGY (thing-ee) n.. Female- Any part under a car's hood. Male- The strap fastener on a woman's bra
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03-26-2011 16:24
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thinks that anytime a conversation goes silent, you can always start it back up by slapping someones forehead and saying, "Shoulda had a V8".
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03-26-2011 16:22
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State of the Union Drinking Game: Take a shot every time Obama says, "Let me be clear" or "Make no mistake" ...Have an ambulance standing by.
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03-26-2011 16:20
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there may be a me in team.. but, there's 3 u's in "shut the fu*k up"
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03-26-2011 16:13
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My new diet plan consists of watching the show "Hoarders" every time I'm hungry.
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03-26-2011 15:57
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wondering why nobody told me that half my job as mother would be smelling the crotches of things.
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03-26-2011 15:43
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"Yes" is a perfectly legitimate response when asked how many drinks I've consumed
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03-26-2011 15:38
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against recycling because it makes me look like a huge alcoholic to my garbage man.
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03-26-2011 15:36
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Some people who copy and paste jokes from other's status messages from other sites are idiots… A few seconds ago • Like • Comment
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03-26-2011 15:32
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if you're drunk and you know it hands your clap.
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03-26-2011 15:22
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Around here you don't lose your girl, you just lose your turn ..
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03-26-2011 14:52 by XBbios
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roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poems.. you have nice boobs
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03-26-2011 14:50
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WHAT I HAVE LEARNED: 'Hold me closer Tony Danza' sounds better than 'Tiny Dancer'...just say'n.
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03-26-2011 14:29 by brp4
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believe it or not, there's people out there that actually liked "Grease 2"