Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   After many bad reviews it's clear the Blackberry playbook is no threat to the iPad. In response Apple release the iToldYa

   When you love someone truly and unconditionally, age, distance, bank balance, height or weight is just a damn number.

   ooh lookie my mood ring is a beautiful shade of I dont give a crap

   Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose your job. Recovery is when Obama loses his job

   Who want's to Indian Leg Wrestle?

   Some guy just gave me half of a peace sign.

   I wish my car was more like KITT. Not for the crimefighting abilities, mind you, I'm just really lazy.

   celebrating Sheen-co de Mayo with some Tiger Blood!

   Thirsty Thursday and Cinco de Mayo fall on the same day, coincidence? She thinks not

   In celebration of Cinco De Mayo I'll be drinking Guinness and Jameson Whiskey tonight. Ole!

   S.H.*.T.= So Happy It's Thursday! =)

   How long a minute is, depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.

   I can talk to animals... they don't talk back but the stuff I say to them is still really cool.

   Breaking news: Kobe Bryant seen chewing jersey, experts confirm he is part moth.

   Cinco de Mayo....not 1 yard will be mowed today!!

   may the 5th of jack be with you

   Just found out my "Sleep Number" is good Old Number 7 good ole Jack Daniels

   The best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup, but the worst part of waking up is Folgers out your ass.

   Cheated on Facebook with my real life today.

   If you see a profile pic with 1 fat girl and 1 pretty girl and can't figure out who's profile it is, make no mistakes… it's the fat one's.