Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A well timed "Have a good day!" can be a great substitute for "F**k you!" in almost every situation

   Scenario: The armed police officer following Casey Anthony out of jail with a AR15, " fake tripping and firing 10 rounds in her back" PRICELESS!!!

   it just me or does Obama look like an Angry Bird?

   You remind me of my big toe.. Why?..cause I'm going to end up banging you on my coffee table.....

   Let be grateful for the people who make us happy and get rid of the deadwood that makes us sad.

   my stomach is going "grr". does it hate me?

   Someone just told me that everything that I see in the internet isn't true.......so does that mean that there's no beautiful singles in my area dying to meet me?

   "I wasn't that drunk." "Dude, you asked your girlfriend if she was single."

   Dear Raisin Bran: Two scoops my a$$.

   You know you've entered a ghetto neighborhood when you see a pair of shoes hanging from a telephone wire.

   Modern music is like Taco Bell. They keep coming up with new things using the same seven ingredients.

   We all could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

   eating pop rocks and drinking pop. Aint dead yet..

   Game Day...Here's to hoping USA wins the world cup, and a Hope Solo flash ; )

   My friend accused me of gossiping. I took offense because I've heard from several sources that she is the one that gossips.

   A man was arrested after he broke into a sex shop & used a blow-up doll. He was chrgd with breaking & entering & entering.

   Certain things which are crucial to a given activity will show up with uncommon regularity until the day when that activity is planned, at which point the thing in question will disappear from the face of the earth.

   Why are you tryin so hard to fit in when you are born to stand out

   Love is in the air...and i'm wearing a gas mask.

   You may be worthless to one person, but priceless to another. You just have to be smart enough to differentiate between the two.