Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I don't smoke pot. But hang with people who do. They have great snack ideas, and if you're broke, it is a good group to hang out with for a free meal. If all they're stoned, just start talking about pizza, or fried chicken. Snack time!

   People wearing neckbraces should wear a t-shirt explaining why.

   A concussion? A broken hand? There has to be a PETA member somewhere with a Mike Vick voodoo doll

   Learn to spell, Auto Correct isn't always write

   never regret anything because at one point it was exactly what you wanted

   R.I.P Nobel Laureate Prof. Wangari Maathai....

   Just watched 'Pan Am" ….. Now there's an example where the union seniority killed the industry, all those lovely stewardesses are now old flight attendants

   Looking at a hot woman and thinking, ‘The things I would do to you.'

   The rap song "Walk It Out" was inspired by a guy who was consoling his girlfriend after a hardcore night of rough sex.

   to the ppl thinknig facebook is really charging...send your payments to: (my name), Po box...

   redneck word:debate...i was gonna go fishin today but forgot to bring debate

   On September 31st, 2011 Facebook will start charging you for your account. To avoid this, you MUST get NAKED, use a PERMANENT marker pen and write on your forehead the word S-U-C-K-E-R, and then stand on your dining room table and do the Macarena, all the

   too busy mopping the floor to turn off the faucet.

   some people walk into you life and leave footprints on your heart, others make you want to leave footprints on their faces.

   I see a lot of stuff on something called Nibiru, A lot are asking many questions about this "wandering brown dwarf star" Put your freakin ouija boards away and leave Gary Coleman alone, show some respect.....

   The bible say, "thou shalt love thy neighbor" which means, take your password off your wifi!!

   Ok, so now the NFL is posting on NBC at the bottom of the screen "Futbol Americano", is this serious? Did we just fleece all of American culture?

   What happens if you put the Energizer Bunny's batteries in backward? He keeps coming and coming and coming.

   On September 31st 2011 Facebook will start charging you for your account. To avoid this, you MUST get NAKED, stand on your dining room table and do the Macarena, all while singing ”I Will Survive”. Then, and only then, will Mark Zuckerberg come down y

   Saw a homeless woman with a sign that said, "Mother of two. Please help." So I gave her some condoms.