Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

   not paranoid, but everyone thinks I am...

   has just got back from the future...........You wouldn't believe how many blades they have on razors!

   thinks it's unbelievable how pretentious some cat owners are. I could never be like that with my Dostoevsky!

   loves to go to Washington - if only to be near his money.

   Due to an increasing number of terrified friends, I'm going to have to change my profile picture !!!

   wonders why people think squirrels are cute. They are after all, a rodent like a rat except they have a fuzzy tale.

   wishes I could measure how much of my life has passed me by while I played with my iPhone. . . Maybe there's an app for that.

   the coolest thing to hit the street since ice

   my blond sister jus texted me and asked what does "idk" stand for? I said I dont know. she said OMG! nobody does!

   Some call it Murder....I call it Annulment by Vacation on a Cruise ship......

   certaintly.. not in a balloon at this moment

   in the balloon. It was supposed to be a secret mission.

   What have a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken got in common, By the time you've finished with the breast and thighs, all you have is a Hot Stinky Box to throw your bone in.

   suddenly has an urge to go for a balloon ride over Colorado.

   cant believe its not butter

   When someone is waiting for you to leave so they can take your parking spot: 1) Pretent to turn key. 2) Exit car. 3) Open hood and look frustrated.

   gonna party like it's 1929.

   just realized if you take a glow stick and tie a piece of dental floss on the end , it looks like a radioactive tampon! Or what my ex girlfriend's might look like now!

   run out of pictures to colour in, in my colouring in book... I guess that is enough work for a Friday...