Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   needs 18 more Farmers Daughters.....but not in Farmville

   stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

   "Do I look like a bag, a gadget or a perfume to you?" Stop tagging me if the photo doesn't have my face or my torso or my knee or my... you got what I'm saying

   cleaning out his medicine cabinet of expired prescriptions with a glass of water and several mystery pills at a time.

   so turns out you CAN use lemon juice to get goats blood off of the curtains

   Dear Wendy's, I so love your delicious, frozen treat called the Frosty. May I make a suggestion? Instead of a plastic straw, could you please substitute this with a bamboo straw? I'm tired of the plastic straws collapsing on me.

   If crime doesn't pay... Does that mean my job is a crime?

   Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

   If this soo called God dwells inside of us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting.

   tried to join a Tourette's support group but they told me to piss off.

   if there was any truth in advertising the new KFC Double Down would be called the Double Bypass

   If you read my mind you'll see I'm CRAZY FOR YOU ....

   When you lie to everyone else. You're only lying to yourself.

   learning life lesson number 68, don't fry bacon naked!...ouch

   When I was 13, I had my first love, ASDFGHJKQWERTYUIOPZXCVBNM above!

   I fell out of my chair. This might take a while!

   people who take really good care of their farmville probably have the ugliest room

   i am not a squirrel but I do play with my nuts

   a little less conversation, a little more action please!!

   reckons alcohol contains female hormones, think about it after drinking 1) Mens speak unnecessarily 2)become very over emotionall 3)drive badly 4)stop thinking 5)FIGHT FOR NOTHING ;