Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   as pissed off as a midget with a yo yo

   Earlier today I saw the facebook group "Kids vs Cancer". It turns out writing "My money is on cancer everytime" is one way to get quite a bit of hate mail.

   Quick tip, when doing a print screen of Stalker Check for your facebook pictures, don't leave porn in in your Internet tabs...

   taking a mental vacation...my body is here but my mind is gone somewhere tropical with lots of water sunshine and a cold drink

   One of the big differences between American English and British English is that americans tend to drop the letter "U" from certain words, like colour and honour. What a bnch of stpid fcking cnts.

   Did you hear about the two car pile-up in the Walmart parking lot? 50 Mexicans died

   realizes he is too apologetic sometimes. Sorry.

   My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

   True happiness is getting that load off...your shoulders

   It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!

   Gas for trip to Walmart: $4.75 Miley Cyrus movie: $19.95 Box of tissue: $2.95 Hand Lotion: $3.78 The look of disgust on the cashiers face:

   wonders why the Trojan condom is named after the Trojan horse? Isn't that the horse that penetrated the roman walls then broke open spilling hundreds of men into the city?

   slowly undressing behind you!

   thinking bush doubled out debt it 8 years......obama will double that in 2! good job america!!

   thinks the best part about his job is that her chair spins!

   spinning in his new office chair so I am away, now I am back, away again and back.

   There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to fall after leaning your chair back a little too far.

   If your wife or girlfriend forces you to carry a "man bag", it's official: you've been "pursey whipped."

   My mate told me that she was having nothing to do with me anymore because she was fed up with my bad habits. I nearly choked on my toenail.

   wonders if it's a coincidence that "Consider Christianity Week" (Mar 21-27) coincided with "World Folk Tales and Fables Week" (Mar 22-28)