Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   has heard that love makes the world go round... but so does tequila!

   If Longfellow was right, that "Into each life a little rain must fall", I choose to have the showers that fall on Bill Gates or The Donald!!

   watching today the bare-knuckled, bruising clash between competitors vying to win recognition for their national pride. Then President Obama dismissed the Healthcare summit and I watched the Olympics.

   My Grandfather is eighty and still doesn't need glasses... He drinks straight out of the bottle.

   To err is human,to blame it on someone else is more human..

   in west,dates were divided in two parts A.C. & B.C...in USA its now divided into three parts A.C., B.C., and 9/11

   please don't interrupt me while I am ignoring you.

   I like having those fat girls as myspace friends, they always provide the cleavage photos, no wonder they receive so many darn comments

   thinks reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

   The difference between a sin and shame; It is a sin to put it in; It is a shame to pull it out!

   A celebratory beer after winning the gold - $1. While you're at it, might as well have a cigar - $3. The Canadian women looking like fools, especially with all the problems caused because of Canada hosting the Olympic games - priceless.

   advising others to be careful!! I am not currently medicated!!

   advising to talk to the status.... the hand is not listening!!

   thinks it's only a weak soul that walks towards Alchohol as a 'solution' when the going gets tough. Not me though - I sprint towards it....

   What's worse than the dog chewing your shoe? A whale eating your trainer!

   ..sometimes at work, I like to stand behind one of the employees that has no sense of humor and wait till the owner comes by, then I start laughing out loud at their computer monitor as if they were looking at something funny online rather than working..

   thinks to err is human but to blame it on someone else... now that's supervisor material!

   my sushi brings all the japs to the yard, and there like "couneshiwah"

   now interactive on facebook. If you move your arrow keys on the keyboard it controlls my left ear. Have fun!

   Just put a down payment on my yellow submarine.