Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Dear Today, thank you for trying. I'm glad you're almost over. Love, X

   Something went wrong. We're working on getting this fixed as soon as we can. You may be able to try again. <--- Facebook's new slogan

   thankful that women are always checking him out, but still thinks there should be more male cashiers.

   Please Be Nice to smokers. They don't have much time left.

   when the snowboarders are finished with their runs, do they go back to the Olympic Village and look for BC Bud?

   I hate it when people don't let me sleep, especially when I'm driving

   a guy dating a twin, haha, try telling her she's one of a kind!

   Got a call from my mum. She wanted help with her jigsaw puzzle. I said "Sure thing,just look at picture on the front of the box.". "Its not helping"she said. "Its just a stupid rooster!" "Mum,you daft cow" said. "Just put the cornflakes back in the box."

   learn how to spell and type before you attempt to post a status message!

   wonders if anyone sees the irony of Goodyear providing the official arial coverage of the olympic games when they are a tire company...

   wishes the planet Pluto was still considered a planet. Happy birthday Pluto (Feb 18, 1930-Aug 24, 2006)

   I have always been told to never say "never." On that note, never get into a food fight with cannibals and never be caught dead with a necrophilac.

   read that Toyota is asking all Prius owners to return cars to the dealerships as slowly as they possibly can.

   How could anybody in the World think that "wRiTiNg iN tHiS wAy" is cool??? It's only a language murder and a terrifying waste of writing-and-reading-time...stupid kids, have you got the hiccough???

   They keep telling me that the right person will come along. I think mine got hit by a truck.

   3 YEARS OF THERAPY ....GONE ....in 60 sec

   there are plenty of fish in the sea, too bad i'm a shark...

   Gave a hot guy at the bar a high five, came back over to my friends and said yeah....I hit that.

   Everyone's days are numbered. It's called a calendar.

   Tomorrow Tiger should say "I blame this sh*t on NIKE, they said just do it"