Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.

   can you get pregnant from unprotected text?

   If I ever have a girlfriend that requests that we have a 'song' together, after I laugh, I shall suggest master p - you can be my b!tch

   Religious girls are easy, once I convince them I'm god

   i do what I please and I please who I do.

   actually an antidepressant... X must be taken every night before bedtime... But X may cause lightheadeness, a sense of euphoria, and an incontrollable urge to repeat the word yes... X is not for everyone... Ask your doctor if X is right for you...

   saw his shadow today! Not really sure what this could mean as far as the duration of winter goes...but very excited about the possibilities. :)

   trying to put my m&m's in alphabetical order...

   Sometimes life is hell. But hey! Whatever gets the marshmallows toasty.

   Good morning I see the assasins failed

   Dont wish For a Happy ending It means Something has to end

   the one who told him that you had a boyfriend who looks like a girlfriend that he had in February of last year.

   yesterdays is history, tomorrow is a mystery. Today is your gift, live it fully....

   How to eat an Oreo: First you twist it...... Oh it broke...

   never works on computers for free. I may or may not install well hidden software packages that harvest your emails, passwords and keystrokes. The odds of that happening are directly proportional to how much cash you pay. Cash or gossip, you pay.

   Ok Facebook since you're so damn nosey, What's on YOUR mind?

   doesn't think you should put the pedal to the medal in that Toyota.

   It is scientifically proven that a woman can be satisfied with only 8.5 cm. - and it doesn't matter if the card is Visa or Mastercard...

   heard charges were pressed against James Ray. I bet he's sweating now.

   was witness a Toyota Prius that had a malfunction accelerator. For a Prius it was flying. It had to be going at least 49 mph.